When a person suffers a physical injury, perhaps a broken bone or a deep wound or gash, everyone knows that it can take months for the healing on such injuries to be completed. Beyond the healing period, it could take up to a year or longer before residual pains and aches subside. That being the case, why is it that when someone suffers a deep emotional injury, everyone expects them to "get over it" and forgive. This is particularly true, I've found, among Christians.
They will tell you that you have to forgive and forget. People go about life as if nothing ever happened. It's easy to do that when you're the one who committed the crime or better still the one who's not involved but only heard the story as a third party. When you are the one who bears that burden (especially a deep personal hurt you can't describe with words), it takes the Lord helping you through.
I encourage you brethren, show some compassion. Christ was the picture of it. If we are to be Christlike, we need to toss the judgement and have a heart. Some of us forget what it's like to be on the receiving end of a major hurt. To hurt in a place aspirin and Tylenol can't touch. To agonize over feelings you can't seem to understand or, sometimes, control. To want to repay the offender but knowing you can't because 1)God said vengeance is His and 2)it's not in you, no matter how much they deserve it. To know the person is living life like they never did a thing and you are aching and still have yet to get past it, though you desperately want to (you know they don't deserve the attention, but the pain is real). Worse yet, to have the wound re-opened every time something occurs to remind you. It's like starting the process of forgiving over each time.
I imagine it must be pretty difficult for people trying to get through the hurt of infidelity and unfaithfulness. It's easy to separate or divorce because you won't have to face the one who stomped on your heart. Eventually, you get over it and achieve some semblance of forgiveness. Unfortunately, some become bitter. Our society supports an easy fix. Breaking up is hard, but easy.
But what about the ones who decide to stick it out and work through the pain. It's hard because everyday the wound can be reopened by the most inadvertent thing. Months and maybe years later, the person is the bad guy because they didn't "get over it" when in truth they are just trying to heal from the latest picked scab. They are working at forgiving the latest hurt.
If you're on the receiving end of forgiveness, please don't ever assume the position of making the person you hurt feel as if they have to forgive you, like they owe it to you. In God's eyes yes, but to you it's an extension of grace. Grace is what you don't deserve. You have no right to demand it.
And be considerate. The person is trying to work through feelings they don't like and are uncomfortable with. Be compassionate. You would appreciate the same.
The Bible says God throws our sins into the sea of forgetfulness. I wish it were so easy for us. The truth is His ways are not our ways. We still have a way to go. I guess with practice we get better at forgiving.
It seems some hurts are easier to forgive. The ones that cut the deepest are the ones committed by those closest to us. Either way, I pray and know the Lord will give us help. We need it.
